A new start!

Wow i havent post anything here in such a long ass time but anyways nothings really new besidethat im not a teenager no more!.well as now im not a teenager no more, i know right it sad but its all good. Now that im finaly consider as an adult im gonna missed my teenage yea gosh but its all good this time of the year is the new beginning of my life. i have more responsibilities in my hand that specially figuring out what to do in life. And when it comes to love fuck i hate it im always the one whos being left out of nothing specially when i gave them my all but i guess its just not good enough , i wonder if im going to finally my mr. right well i hope so cause iono no morei dont believe in love no more im just gonna wait till that guy comes. I've learn my lesson to not give your all to some one because once they leave you, you will not have anything for yourself. But its all good i know im strong and i dont give up on love i just dont believe on it.

FOR THE SECOND THOUGHT!

Here we go again lately been thinking about how things will work between me and the person im inlove with. And it kills me cause theres always some thoughts in my head that i shouldnt be more than a friend towards this person. Why? because i dont want to ruin our friendship and this person is like a family member to me really close to my heart and have some history togethere. Growing up with this person is awesome i mean we had our ups and down togethere but its all good cause we work it out! I'm happy that me and this person are talkin again well i made th first move and just be the bigger person just to fix the things between us. I dont want anymore drama with this person im done and ive had it i gave it all and i cant do no more so my final decision is just to be friends and no more than that who knows maybe in the future i mean if we are meant for each other we will bump into each other and look back and maybe work something out! i mean im not looking forward for that to happen anytime soon but someday when were both ready and when its the right time. Aight im signing off now cause i dont know what else to say but i will give you an update once in a while ill be going here once a week or twice lol i swear=)!

To late Now!

Fuck i dont know what the hells wrong with me lately. I know im happy but theres somethings bothering me and i cant take it no more. I just realize that i fucking deeply inlove with you Mr. C.Q i know i messed up and theres nothing i can do to make it up to you but fuck after all the things weve been through all along the person im looking for is just right next door to me sigh. What the hells with love why cant you be pair to everyone so no one will get hurt or realize in the end and its to late that the person you didnt pay attention to could be the person that makes ur heart pump so fast sigh... I dont know what to say no more but all i know is that now i know that im inlove with you and i admit it i messed up and its all my fault=(

Smile=)

I was looking at you and you didn't notice

I deam that you were mine!

Your kissable lips, and your skiny smile

Can be seen from the sky.

Dont look at me or my heart will melt to say

Your smile makes me fall in love with you

Everytime you move me my world stops

The song in my heart is for you!

I hope you know my feelings about you

You dont know that i love you

I hope you dont get mad

My heart is really in love, it use to be a secret.

Were still not that close but im still nervious!

Your smile makes me fall in love with you

Everytime you come near me, my world stops.

My heart screams your name

I hope you know my feelings about you.

Your smile makes me fall in love with you

everytime you move my world stops.

My heart is only for you

I hope you know my feelings about you.

I'm Sorry!

I dont know what to do no more! i thought i can keep this space or hate between us but i guess im wrong=( all i want to say is im really sorry i know i fucked up and yea i regret not talkin or responding to you while you wanted to talk or know the information about whats going on, thats my mistake. I know its to late now and theres nothing i can do its been really hard for me lately i may seem happy outside but deep inside me wanting to just go to ur house, call you , or just pull you aside when i see you out side my window! i know how much you loved me and didnt pay much attention to you. If i can turn back the time i would so do it with out even asking, i really want us to be ok and be a good friend again i know things wont be the say between us and i cant complane about that cause its my fault for making you hate me or be your enemy! Hey im happy that your with your boy again which is a good thing i hope. F%ck i hate having a tension between me and you; you have no idea how much i care about you and i didnt intended to hurt you not at all i guess i wasnt just thinking str8 back then but yea i know its to late but all i want to say is that im really sorry and i deserve all the hates your giving me and your friends right now even though they dont know the whole story! Good Luck With Your Life!

new things!

First of all wow its been a while since i log in this thing! anyways my life has been treating me well lately and im thankful for that. I reaize that once you hurt or get hurt some one is that the only thing that you can do is forgive and move on. Anyways we cant really hate someone for a long time, like lately ive been thinking of talking to this one person who's use to be so close to me but now were like enemies. I know i messed things up but hey you cant really blame me for what i did or what you did. But all the things that happen in the past has been put back in a side even though i really wanted to talk to you but im sorry i just cant right now!

well anyways ive been talking to this one person for a while now and everythings going great which is why im happy about! cause i thought after my last relationship it would be hard for me to trust or let anyone to be close to me again! but i guess im wrong cause look at me now smiling and standing strong. We been talking/dating for almost a month now and i have meet the parents and so does the person im talkin/dating. Everything is just going well and were both decided to take everything thing step by step and not to rush anything.

I mean I've learn my lesson for taking things so fast and rushing it with out even knowing the person. Which is really wrong to do i mean he or she might say i love you but do you really think that person really love you; well i thought so but i was wrong so been hurt so many times but all i can say is what the heyyy. It's part of life and we can't really control it hehehe.

I cant wait for this saturday to come why? because its valentines day and its first month since i start talking to this peroson im dating right now=) Time does really go fast hehehe i dont know what we going to do but i know the fact that my babe is planning something special and romantic for both of us!

My side of story!

First of all you dont even fucking no me and dont know anything about me! you didnt care about how im gonna feel about you going behind my back after all thse time im being honest and real to you! i thought you were fucking different from others but your just the same. The fact that you fucking rather trust some ramdon guys rather than your own fucking boyfriend wow all i can say is that your just stupid! you just fucking creat your worse anemy! everything were going well after you have to messed it up you dont even know whos that guy whos at my house the couples nights ago, you didnt even bother to ask but instead you fucking made your stupid decision with out even fucing comfirming to me whats going on or what so ever! you know what i hope your happy and best of luck with you! and i want my stuff back and you can have yours im done with you! first i thought i messed up but to think about it no i didnt You your the one who messed up!

I didnt meant to hurt you!

IM REALLY SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME =(

I'LL ACCEPT WHAT EVER YOUR DICISION IS

BUT I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT I DO LOVE YOU!

Life goes on!

Day by day i tell myself why is my life like this? does god made me like this for any reasson? cause it seem to me that for me being 19 years old im carrying so much shit on my should and that shouldnt be this hard for my age! But hey i still live and goes along and get up every single day even though i tried to give up and stop but somethings tell me to continued and nevers give up! So many things that happen to me lately that is completely new to me like getting a tattoo lol can you believe that i mean ive been thingking about getting one but i never thought that i would actually get one on the spot with my cousins! getting a tattoo made me think that hey if i can handdle this pain i can handdle almost anything right now! by me not giving up in life made me a better person and stronger than i am right now! I thank my friends and family that support every single things i do in my life! i mean im pretty much sure with out them im nothing i wont be able to do stuff that i do right now with out concerning any of my friends or family! anyways this is for today i know i havent been here but you'll be reading and get more update about my life soon=)

Excited!

well its been a while since i posted something on here so i decided to log on and write something about me. anyuways i dont even know why im freaking excited on going back to school, i mean who does like school i know i dont but the fact that im excited to go back and start tomorrow theres something wrong lol! i know its funny but f*ck i cant wait for it, its like ive been waiting for it for while now i guess cause of me being on a vacation for half semester thats why i think i miss school!

Unsolve!

Here i go again feeling so angry and being short temper! GOSH i dont know whats the matter with me, theres a time that i just wanna be alone but when im alone i feel like im gonna go crazy. I promise myself that i would never let anyone make me feel this way but i dont know i guess im just not so strong that i thought i was! theres just something in me that its unsolve that been waiting for me to figure it out how to solve it but i just cant seem to find the answer to it.

Why cant i just be happy for what i have in my life right now i guess god made my life to be like this, but i wanna be made i wanna change and everytime i found someone who can i think can help me out seem to be the one whos making it worse and i dont know why im letting them. I am to nice enough to not find the happyness in life.

Sometimes i just think that i can never be happy no more after what ive been through i dont think i can handdle another single painful feelings deep inside me. i want to give up but something telling me to keep pushing and i'll get through this, but fuck when i want it to stop i cant handle it no more.

I;m to young to feel so much pain in life im fucking 19 years old but my whole entire life has been a mess! my friends look up to me and always see's me smiling and happy but what dont they know that their life is way better than mine, i just cant take the fact that im happy outside but when you look inside its just cold and dark.

I guess my life is just unsolve and shouldnt be solve at this momment, i understand that everything takes time but we will see if i can last till then. I'll be looking up and walk straight like nothings wrong with me i mean thats what i do every single day and i turn out to be fine, just that once in a while i feel empty inside me grrrr which i hate the most.

to be continue........